Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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