Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
