It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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