I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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