I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
