is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
