Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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