I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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