Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
