i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
