At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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