i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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