so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
