is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
