my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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