plz talk dirty to me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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