I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize