Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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