Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
