Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
