Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
