this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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