Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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