i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
