I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
