he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
