Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
