She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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