So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
