I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
