im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
