So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
