I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
