She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
