I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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