Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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