when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
