Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
