i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
