I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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