after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
