Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize