i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
