why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
