Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
