i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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