she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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