I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
