Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
