I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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