just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
