he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
