I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
