Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry about my life...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize