The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
