Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
high people should be assigned attendants
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
the raccoons are back...
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