His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We named our party play list daddy issues
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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