Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
