I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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