I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
