He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
