just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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