So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
