i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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