I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do vagina's smell?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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